This is one of my favorite Black Eyed Kids pieces... but don't tell the kids. 

I have this wonderful artist friend, Sophia Del Rio , who wanted to help me try out slip-casting some ceramics. If you know me, you know I have an irrational fear of touching powdery textured things, so pottery has always been daunting to me, but something I wanted to do. So slip-casting is where you pour thin, wet "slip" (think: thinned-out clay) into concrete molds, pour out the excess, let them set up a bit, and then when you remove them from the molds, you can manipulate or decorate and fire them. This is similar to my process for pouring resin into molds, so I knew it was the best way for me to get into ceramics. 

The first thing I made was this baby head. Sophia really gets me and knew I'd love this mold. When he came out of the bisque fire and it was time to decorate & glaze him, I wanted to really do him justice. First I blacked out his eyes, of course. 

But why do I black out their eyes? Why have I made so many pieces about the Black Eyed Kids? First check out this quick note on who the BEK's are.  I first heard the story of this particular phenomenon, urban legend, creepypasta, cryptid, or whatever you want to call it on a podcast. Wish I could remember which one. One thing you should know about me is that my childhood was rough. I grew up without much money, parents doing their best, but times were hard and generational mental health issues effect us all. Another thing you should know about me is that I'm a little scared of children. Not all of them, of course. But the idea of having one of my own has always terrified me. As the comedy writer Samantha Irby* said "Do I wish I could sit idly by and witness all the things I hate about myself in a person?" No, I do not wish the childhood I could have provided a kid on someone, and I do not wish my generational mental health issues on someone. The idea of inviting a child into my womb, my life, my care has always been the scariest idea to me. The BEKs demand to be let in, and once they're in something terrible happens to you. Once you have a child, you are responsible for making sure that person stays safe and turns out to be a good person - that sounds like a terrible responsibility to me. I know that's frank and honest, but I really do respect those that can do it and not lose themselves. 

Okay, that was a lot of personal stuff. So moving on to this particular piece. 

After I painted the eyes black, I knew he needed to be a clown. Since you're learning so much about me today, you should know that I am one of those people who are scared of clowns.  (Geez, sounds like I'm just telling you guys all my biggest fears today...) But this little baby's sad lower lip and big eyes made me feel like I did when I was a kid and my mom would put giant dresses on me and feather my hair to the heavens for a photo.  He doesn't want to be a clown. He doesn't want to dress up in the things his mom wants him to, and he doesn't want to be who his family wants him to be, and he doesn't want to suffer through the generational mental health struggles bestowed on him by no fault of anyone. He wants someone to let him into their home and take care of him, but he is a joke. In a big pink and blue sparkly pyramid. Trapped as a silly little crying child forever.  And don't we all feel a little like that sometimes? 

A big thanks to Jack Daw Folk Art for inviting this BEK into his home. Only good things can happen now! ;)

*As you may know, I am a step-parent to a wonderful teen. I really resonated with what Samantha Irby also said about step-parenting, as someone who didn't want her own kids "Well, the way I do it, it's the best. I don't try to parent those kids. I don't - I mean, I'll tell them, like, wash that plate. But I don't have to like, discipline them. I don't have to check the homework. I don't have to do any of the stuff that makes you hate your mom. And I can do the stuff that, like, your cool aunt would do - right? - like buy you things your mom won't buy you. And so - and that is the way that works best for me, kind of a - it's not hands off 'cause I talk to them all the time, but, like, I'm not making their health decisions. Like, they have two very capable parents. They do not need me to play that role. So I'm just kind of, like, amusing, but also, I'll tell you to pick your stuff up. And I can drive you places (laughter). It's, like, very seamless. Like, it works."